Hey it's Friday

Well shoot, I was linked to on Emily's blog today, so I had to figure out something to write about. If you stumble here from there, please let me know and leave any suggestions concerning stuff to write about. I swear, it seems like only people who I communicate with on a daily basis read my blog, so it kinda feels redundant.

Going to Ada this weekend to visit old friends and my brother who still goes to school there. Excited to see the little old place; it just felt weird not going back this year. Definitely miss being there, everything but the schoolwork! I really miss being able to walk everywhere, and have all of my friends super close by.


Something that's really effected me since graduation is the "security blanket" being in school afforded me. Being in school gave me a huge goal: graduation. If you've read my blog before, you've read about a lot of the struggles I went through in school, and graduating despite all that adversity is my proudest achievement in life. Some days when I'm feeling down, I look back and think about how poorly I did in school, or what opportunities I missed out on in school. It's so hard to not live without regret. I like this random saying (from where I can't remember):

"You will regret more in life the things you didn't do, rather than the things you did do."

It's hard to move past that mentality. It's toxic, but at the same time, reminds you to live. I've posted this picture before (from my super-duper ADD-countering little notebook):

It sits on the inside cover of the little book I carry in my pocket every day. Every time I open that book to write down some trivial task I'd forget otherwise, or to record my gas mileage, or to hold on to some random brilliant thought that would otherwise escape me, it reminds me. It reminds me that the past is over, the future will come, but that I need to live where I'm at, right now. My past is behind me, my future is in front of me.

Back to that safety blanket thing (I always go off on a tangent...). That huge goal of graduating...it's what kept me going throughout school. I struggled a lot in school. I made bad choices. I didn't make a lot of friends. I was afraid to live. I felt like I was fighting myself (subtext: I had to not only fight the difficult coursework, but my ADD as well). That singular purpose of not only getting that piece of paper saying I had finished my coursework, but beating myself, was so huge, that it pushed me over the top. I got that diploma. Even with my bottom-of-the-barrel shitty GPA, nobody could take that away from me. Nobody could be happier than I was.

Fast forward three months. I don't have that goal anymore. I have an engineering job that pays well enough, but I don't like it. It's not in the field I want to be in, and every day I feel like all the hard coursework I went through was for nothing. It feels like every day its: wake up, go to boring dead-end job, come home, eat, sit on computer for 3 hours, sleep, repeat. That feeling of there being an end is gone. "Welcome to being an adult!" I guess? I have to go out of my way 99% of the time to stay in contact with my friends from school (almost never the other way around). Every time I try to start a new relationship, I end up pushing a friend farther away. I try to come home from work every day positive, so that I can keep the people I still talk to on a daily basis smile.

I feel so lost when I think about things. A lot of times I just like to shut down that part of my mind that thinks about things that aren't in the immediate future. But whenever I think about more than a week ahead, I feel terrible. So what I'm asking is: how do I get out of this rut?

Wow, outpouring of negativity. Very good for the random strangers that read this, right? HAPPY THINGS!

I went out to Pittsburgh last weekend, this time to hang out party with an old friend from school. Had a really great time, got to see other parts of the city that I haven't seen before. Reminds me more and more how boring Columbus was/is. Too much food, too much drinking, too little sleep. That's how you have fun, though!

Went out with Emily Thursday to pick up a part for her new computer that I'm building. Microcenter is such an awesome place to look around at. It's like clothes shopping for men. Only trying on stuff is a bit awkward there. :P

We have a case-copycat on our hands here! It's a really cool small case, though. So good choice! We went to a very yummy frozen yogurt place afterward. Cashier couldn't believe that we weren't a couple, insisted that Emily wait for me to pay.  It's pretty funny when that happens, but as long as someone doesn't say we're a cute couple, I can laugh it off. She didn't want a sticker from there, though. Laaaaame. When asked, I was like "Of course!" I'm not weird :P

Uh, what else do I have to write about? I feel like I have a nearly weekly feature on Emily's blog about funny pictures? :P

Life advice and recipes involving paprika would be much appreciated right now, thanks!