ADD and me, part 2

Before I get ahead of myself, let me describe how exactly things work, and how things are different for me.
I'll quote wikipedia here first: "ADHD-PI is similar to the other subtypes of ADHD in that it is characterized primarily by inattention, easy distractibility, disorganization, procrastination, and forgetfulness; where it differs is in lethargy - fatigue, and having fewer or no symptoms of hyperactivity or impulsiveness typical of the other ADHD subtypes. In some cases, children who enjoy learning may develop a sense of fear when faced with structured or planned work, especially long or group-based that requires extended focus, even if they thoroughly understand the topic."


You may notice that I seem either shy, distant, or distracted. These are all true. Yes, I do have that stare-off-into-space look that I am caught frequently doing. Sure, I have a 50/50 shot that I'm still absorbing outside information while in that "pose." (Not to further any ADD stereotypes, but I left my dresser open and my cat jumped inside and started mewing at me, so cute! Just had to comment on that.) I'm sorry if this seems disconcerting; I'm not bored per se, I'm either listening but semi-awkwardly don't feel like making eye contact and have no other good place to look, or I'm thinking about something else.

ADD not only comes with inattentiveness and a lack of the ability to focus, but also what I'd like to call an extreme aversion to hard work. Motivation-wise, I know that if a task is difficult, it becomes exceedingly hard to want to finish it, just because one can't get it out of their head how hard, long, and complex the task is. Take any long EE homework I have to to. The problems we often have are very long, multi-step problems. Running into roadblocks or snags in the process of doing these problems is extremely frustrating and flustering, causing a lot of wasted time and repetition of problem-statement checking, fact checking, etc. It also happens where I will want to do literally anything but the complex problem before me. Don't get me wrong here, I do really like being organized, neat, and having a clean living environment, but I will literally want to clean my room, get everything organized, in shape, dusted, folded, etc, then finish my work.

Because of all these factors, the amount of work I have to put in to keep up with everyone else, the extreme struggling I have to do to just merely stay afloat, is exhausting. Nobody realizes how heartbreaking and angering it is to see people succeed in school and life with so little effort compared to the amount I put in. It nearly puts me to tears seeing people getting A's and B's on tests they barely studied for while I'm getting C's and D's while working my ass off. It feels like I'm a supercar on ice: I feel like I have a ton of brainpower, but most of the time I just sit here, wheels spinning, struggling to apply any of it.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people refuse to realize ADD/ADHD is a real and serious disorder. I can brush off the "I'm so ADD"-like remarks no problem, but when people really believe that this condition is nothing more than making excuses for being lazy or stupid, it makes me sad. ADD/ADHD is genetic - my youngest brother also struggles. Much more so than I have. I have no idea how I would have coped with the way I felt throughout college at the elementary level; to fathom struggling at that critical foundational level of education is chilling.

I think that's all I'm willing to say on the subject for now. Maybe more later. I don't know if this has been shocking, informative, or boring to you. This is just what I deal with.